It's the way my life seems to be these days, full of ups and downs, positives and negatives, hopes and the inevitable disappointments. I think a lot of it has to do with the way I write - several long and intense sessions one after the other. It's fine when things are going well, when the words mean what you want them to mean, but it can break your heart sometimes when you read them next day and see them for the garbage they really are.
Then again, they're not really garbage, I like to think I stopped writing true garbage a long time ago. It's just that sometimes that's what they look like, that's what they sound like. There's no harsher critic of my own work than me! I can be a right bastard sometimes, but hell, if I can't criticise my own work then who can?
Most of the time it's deserved. I set my standards high, always have done, and when they fall short, I get mad with myself. Like today, or rather yesterday - that's where the problem was - yesterday. It's just taken me most of today to put things right again, but I've done it, and that's the important thing. I might only have written some 700 NEW words today, but it's the 17 pages of rewrites that have made everything worthwhile.
Think I've said this before somewhere, but if I'm still eager to learn at 64 years of age, then I'm still a writer. A tired one maybe, and not in the best seller category just yet, but I'm getting there. I can almost hear you laughing, but just keep watching this space.
Chris
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Hi Chris,
ReplyDeleteEven after all my years writing, it is still a battle at times so I empathize with how you feel. Some days, the words flow. Some days, they don't. For me, I find that writing is much easier when I'm more relaxed and in a quiet mind state. Of course, it's different for everyone. I'm always amazed by those writers who can write anywhere ... on buses, trains, in busy cafes ... regardless of distractions.
As for being self-critical where your writing is concerned, this can be a good thing. It's rare to deliver perfect first drafts. I think the quality stuff comes with just the right amount of polishing. Challenging but fun!
Follow your dreams, Chris!